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Aphorisma

I haven’t left Paris for a few months now, and a sense of freedom is starting to wash over me as I string together weeks focused solely on my activities. My mind is beginning to feel a bit overloaded. The problem is that people are rarely available to travel, so I have to take it upon myself to go out alone and seek new experiences. Fortunately, nature exists, and many elements make life bearable.

I have few moments where I feel truly unhappy, but I understand this as normal, given that I've always sought a state of solitude to discover new things. In the past, I made many mistakes because I didn’t know how to withdraw and remained in social circles that didn’t suit me at all. This is also why I’m not performing right now; I don’t have the capacity to handle a full set. I am searching for other things, knowing that it’s a habit I will return to at the right time. After all, every artist goes through this.



The good weather has returned, but there’s still some instability. I am planning to leave for Finland in early July for about ten days with the aim of visiting Porvoo or Turku and taking the train to seek something new. Unlike the islands I visited in previous years, I don’t have a specific goal this time other than seeing myself on a train exploring different surroundings. Since I currently can’t travel to Nazi, I consider Finland a good destination given the climatic conditions are similar to those of Central Europe, where I am now.



Maintaining a certain level of mental health while perhaps having the bad habit of staying indoors a lot, I enjoy focusing on various activities until I feel completely empty, then re-energizing in different places. Thus, taking a plane with just a few items to bring back ideas or simply returning with a higher level of awareness.



I have put my study of sufism on hold because it’s very tough. I find it much harder to assimilate than Buddhism, which has a certain intensity that doesn’t resonate with me, even though there are crucial elements that are quite interesting and helpful. I admit that the mindset in which it’s read is very intense, but with writers like Rumi, I had no problem, whereas with others like Ibn Arabi, I struggle a bit.



I have written various texts with quite original structures to accompany the modular pieces. The principle is to make adjustments in real-time, corresponding to phrases with particular perceptions of light or feelings. There must be at least four. I also have purely acoustic songs where the structures are almost complete, and the texts are really good. There are about five or six, but all this doesn’t constitute a real album; they would be more like small EPs.



This attention also applies to my plants and my ability to take care of them and perceive the external world differently, knowing this little thing exists. I must admit, I’m in a slight state of depression, but it's not serious. It’s just due to continuing to be who I am. I have always been somewhat solitary, so when I was surrounded by people, I often went to eat or do other things alone. People would ask why I was always alone, but the truth is, no one is really available at those times, so I don’t force anyone.



I’ve learned to manage on my own but, more importantly, to be very open to everything new I might encounter, whether creatures, humans, or nature. This openness is what makes me happy. I have truly reached a new level of understanding, which is both slippery and dangerous because anyone else in my place might have gone mad. But that’s not my case since I preserve all my capacities as much as possible. Throughout my life, I haven’t been very lucky. There have been extremely violent incidents, which I won’t discuss here, and a lot of disrespectful behaviors that forced me to act instinctively. Today, I no longer get angry; I’ve moved past resilience, continuing to do what’s necessary to forget all the pain and injustices.

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